My thoughts on abusive relationships, romanticism and love in general

I’m writing a very special article today, it’s about love. I’m first gonna talk to everyone in a relationship, especially abusive relationships. Lots of people, including some of my closest friends, ignore that their relationship hurts them, breaks their dreams, damages their feelings and locks them in a small cell for what they think is called love. Ladies and gentlemen, let me give you a simple love tutorial. If your partner makes you feel like crap: that is not love between you two, you might think it is but it’s everything BUT love. If your partner brings you down: that is definitely not love. If your partner reminds you of your lowest points, make you regret your bad days and brings up every mistake you have done in the past: that is not love. If you guys argue all the time, spit venom at each other, curse, yell, scream at the top of your lungs, make drama everywhere you go, if you have anger problems such as breaking dishes… That is not love, even if you conciliate right after and feel so relieved after the drama. People, when you feel happy about reconciliating with your partner with whom you just had a crazy fight: it’s not love, it’s science since reconciliations with ANYONE makes our brain feel better, so it’s not because you love the partner but because you don’t like staying on bad terms with a person, in general, like all normal human beings. If you took a minute to reconsider how much time and energy you put into fighting, and then thinking about the fight: you would’ve chosen to cut the crap. We already have plenty of drama in our lives, we want a partner to satisfy our desires and make us feel good, physically and mentally (very important to balance the two), we don’t want someone to add even more drama. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Love, with a big L is when two people are on the same page, they don’t need to have the same personality they can be completely different but still complete each other. It’s when two people look after each other, do what’s best for the other, pushing away everything that might hurt them, and focusing on making the other happy. If being away is needed to make the other partner happier, that will be done: out of true love. If you love someone, you let him go, if you love someone you want him to achieve his dreams and goals, if you love someone you want to see him at his best, even if his best isn’t with you. Besides, one partner can’t get happy alone just like one hand can’t clap:an effort from the other partner is needed. In the end, because each person focuses on the other: they’re both equally satisfied in the couple and their relationship grows stronger, deeper and better. So when a person is too lazy to focus on making the other person happy then it’s just not it. An abusive relationship is when you, or your partner, dumbs down to the level of accepting what’s less than what you deserve, and what everyone deserves is being happy. When I see miserable people bearing their mean, crazy, idiot partner… Well I just start to wonder if they’re not masochist by choice, they give themselves excuses like: oh wait he makes me feel so happy when we’re alone, and he can be so caring sometimes, I love him to death, even when he lies and breaks my heart. God. Breaking news everyone: love doesn’t hurt. Lust can hurt, passion can hurt, because it’s just a matter of raging hormones and some obsessions over the partner, which is in my case what’s going on between most couples I know. They’re not really in love with their partner, they’re fond of the feeling of being in love. They crave relationships, I know girls who just can’t be single as an example. They date Jerk McAsshole, love to be neglected, abandoned, hit, humiliated… and then complain saying guys are idiots. I also know boys who date Bitch McSlut, and adore being the punching bag servant of a mean, cold, manipulative and degrading girl, they dumb themselves down, act like someone with no pride or personality and then you catch these same boys complaining about all girls being cold-hearted sluts. I just want this ‘tripping’ to end, I hate drama and I hate delusional thinking. If it’s love, it will feel right, you won’t be torn between keeping your ego, self-respect, integrity, indentity…, they’ll be no cursing, no fighting, no ‘let’s hurt each other for fun’ involved. There will be respect, affection, passion, laughter, and other vibrant things that make a couple strong. You could think that you know people who fight all the time, but really love each other till the end of time. Well, they love the love between them two, not their partner that’s for sure. If they did, they’ll see how much of a bad influence they have on their well-being and how sad they make them each time they come to blows.

I don’t preach what I don’t do in real life. I have been delusional in my life as well, years ago I loved to feel in love, like in movies. But then I realized I don’t live in a movie, love isn’t about having a crush or boyfriend you idealize even if he’s a scumbag. In all my relationships, drama is what pushed me away and made me ask for things to end, call it running away but yeah I run away from everything that will take away my happiness. A partner with who I fight does make me feel good sometimes, but he also makes me feel bad when we’re on bad terms; and honestly I’m self sufficient when it comes to making myself feel good, I could create my own happiness, so why stay? Like proverb goes fool me once shame on you. You won’t get the time to fool me twice cause that will mean I actually let you fool me again. If we can make each other happy, take it easy, just go with the flow, take things lightly… I might be your perfect match. Drama and way too romantic behaviours like love you’s at every single move, to me, are the no-no of anything sane and rational. Even more if there’s yelling involved, eye rolling, phone hanging… I’m not saying couples don’t argue, don’t tell each other ‘love yous’ they sometimes do, but their arguments and signs of affection are well placed, well-targeted and constructive, and only happen once in a rare while. Not every single day, nor about meaningless details. I want to call on every person in this universe, and ask them, from the bottom of my heart, to cut the crap. You’re not in a turkish tv show drama, and not on an 80’s movie as well: so keep things simple, find the balance between giving love and cutting the bullshit, learn how to recognize what feeling is genuine and what is out of obsession and way too crazed out romanticism.

I’m not asking people to get cynical, love does happen, even more when unexpected. But keep your head on your shoulders, if she starts asking why you didn’t answer her texts when you just went to grab something in the kitchen for a couple minutes or if she starts talking about wedding rings and marriage, if he starts reading your texts asking you who the hell is Fabulous Anas you’ve been talking to (hum hum, it’s my gay friend by the way) or telling you I love you girl, nothing can ever EVER come between us until the end of time, or telling you he would love you to dress a certain way to meet his standarts… Then pick your legs as fast as you can and RUN. Run for your life. That’s the only rule I can really give, and you can think that I’m not romantic, that I don’t believe in love, that I’m cold hearted and blablabla. But let’s be honest: when we’re in an immature relationship, we openly lie to each other saying love you’s and words like forever and future… But when it’s for real, we start focusing on today, on the moment we’re sharing, on each other, on where we’re headed next in our lives as individuals first, and then as a couple… And to me, that is love my friends.

By the end of the article, I wish you realize the only things in this universe worth making you feel bad for are George Clooney when he got married to someone who happens not to be you, your gym coach when he finds out you’re waay too out of shape, the Pizza Hut waiter when he tells you your favourite pizza is out of stock, your parents for not buying your weekly oreo stack and eventually your siblings for existing in first place. That’s it. We don’t get to choose most of what we get in life, but we get to choose who we hang out with, our friends and partners. So think well before chosing, at least for the partner part. There’s more than 7k people on the planet, why rush things?


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