Today’s post is a little sarcastic, i agree, but what i’m asking you to ask yourself may solve your entire life problems. Do you have the Cyrus syndrome? What’s the Cyrus syndrome? Well, let me enlighten you up. The Cyrus syndrome is a serious disease that started with 14 years old whose parents failed at raising them (miserably); that was years ago, but after some celebrities catched it as well we can now say it’s a Cyrus syndrome. The later turns people into obnoxious, self-centered, whining, attention seeking, drama queens (and even kings) individuals with a peaked interest in imitating other swag/hipster/grunge youths. The illness, if not cured, can eventually (in the most severe cases) end up in being possessed by Lucifer, which explains the tongue licking, crazy-angry reactions and horny tendencies. That being said, the Cyrus syndrome can occur at any lifetime period, no matter the sex, race or religion; it also comes in all shapes, colors and sizes. And because of the dangerosity of this disease and how fast it can spread, I’m ready to give you some of the most obvious symptoms that will help you figure out either you must seek death or not.
1) You can twerk, but you can’t work! Shaking your ass isn’t gonna make you smarter, it’s not gonna pay the bills (unless you’re a hooker), and definitely not gonna make you look cool. It just shows how ratchet, low standard and influencable you are. “Yeah I saw this new move that Miley Something did in her music video a decade ago and guess what? Because I’m so unique I’ll shake It like she doesn’t even every time I go to the club or dance with my ‘girls’ until there’s a new trend I can copy on.”
2) You buy the new iPhone every month, break it and then cry about it all over the place like you just lost a parent. Or even better, you break your iPhone, buy a new iPhone and then complain about how Apple products can be ruined so easily… Really? Really?
3) Your instagram has more selfies than Afghanistan (Salafis, selfies got it? Ugh this joke just kills me every time). Or if your instagram account has way too much nudes and pictures of your bum, boobs, abs and mouth in a shitty attempt to look sexy. Unless your name sounds like Rihanna, Shakira, Miranda Kerr… No? Then it’s just not acceptable. You’re sexual, but not sexy. Think of it like a baboon’s derrière. It’s sexual, big and full of shit, but still not appealing/sexy. So cover yourself up, please.
4) You LOVE to gossip about everyone around you, to hate on people’s back, spread rumors, but then out of the blue you tweet or post a facebook status about how fake and stupid it is to talk about you behind your back, or saying ridiculously clichéd quotes like: “haters gonna hate”! Guys, for real: you can’t complain about being robbed if you’re a thief! You can’t even complain about being killed if you’re a murderer! You get what you give, that’s the policy down here. There’s some sort of justice in this world, and it’s called Karma, and it may take some time to get back at you. But once it does, don’t complain. We know.
5) You follow each one of the One Direction boys, watch all their videos, know the lyrics of all their albums, and THEN go to the comment section to leave something as dumb as : ha, fags! The only thing worse than liking Justin Bieber, the Kardashians, Jersey Shore, One Direction (I like the one d boys tho)… Is to pretend you hate them while you don’t just to please the universal law of hating on them. If you can live with a horrible taste in music, beauty or entertainment, at least grow the balls to defend it.
6) You insult people based on their sexual preference, sex, religion, color, ethnicity… Like I said before, using faggot or gay as an insult, telling someone ‘but, you are kind of..muslim’ (I got this once,), telling people they’re white trash… Racist people usually have way more than the Cyrus syndrome on its own, I can pretty much say they’re just dumb, so I guess that makes me racist against racist people. Telling a black joke is not funny, nor telling a guy from India that he must be praying to cow Gods every morning in Delhi or drive a taxi in New York … Well guess what the indian guy just wished to the cow Gods that a cab hits you in NYC, karma… God I just hate racism, but seems like people are just deaf about it. I could write articles about it all day long, I might even publish a book someday, who knows?
7) All you talk about on a daily basis is: the other sex, sex, other people, cars, make up, clothes, phones, or you just start bragging about how good you are… Uhum, not to hurt your feelings but maybe the reason why you speak about such shallow and superficial things that don’t need any sort of opinion or personality to discuss is because you do not have an opinion nor personality to begin with. You’re just a consumer, a quite stupid one, and the only excuse you have of having absolutely no communication skills and things to say, is speaking about the new Lamborghini, describing the new phone or gossiping about other people. Lame.
8) You take fangirling into a completely other level. The fact that you like The power rangers is absolutely lovely, and shows a lot of spirit actually. But when you start speaking of the pink power ranger 24/7, describing what the white power ranger stands for at every gathering, explaining how great the show is to your dentist and wear a red Power Ranger suit as a pajama…. Well, the Cyrus syndrome might have kicked in real good. Bonus points if your pajama is one centimeter long and has leather and strap ons with lick me written on the back.
9) You call everyone around you ugly, fat, a bitch (or worst a skinny bitch), disgusting… um, excuse me to say this, but you kind of look like a piece of dirt stuck in the crack of an ugly ducking ogre who just got hit by a truck and punched with a Mcdonalds hamburger in the face afterwards. And about the weight, you either need an SOS intervention to feed your starving ass, or a bulldozer in the hands of God to lift you: so quit hating on people. If you hate yourself, we have absolutely nothing to do with it. So if you have no self-esteem, work on that instead of trying to make others lose theirs.
These are mainly, the most obvious symptoms, but the list is enormous. Just writing about the Cyrus syndrome makes me sick. I might even catch it if I go on with the list until number 10 so I just won’t. Maybe you can tell us what’s the 10th Cyrus symptom in the comment section down below. If by any chance you fit into any of the categories above, I recommend you to either kill yourself or seek serious help to stop being the reason why the world is so flawed. although the only cure known to end this Cyrus syndrome nowadays is to shave your head, get naked and swing while sitting on a wrecking ball. Yep… I’ll hand you the gun.