Against all odds, I survived high school. I never understood why people made such a big deal out of ‘surviving’ high school, to me it was a big dramatic conspiracy to take over the planet. But then I made it into high school. Only to realize how messed up, crazy and dumb most teenagers and teachers of today are. But after graduating, I catched myself looking back and saying: huh, it’s not a big deal after all! Moral of the story? I made my first baby steps into the hardcore environment we call high school feeling like a monkey in the water, but made my way out like a boss.
Okay, I hated waking up every morning to see the same stupid faces again, and again and again. I hated my math teachers more than they hated me and never understood why we studied how to count the infinity if we don’t even know what’s infinity for sure, I hated all the non sense we dealt with when it comes to authority, I hated being treated as a murderer/lazy arrogant student/failure each time a teacher or staff member talked to me, especially how unjust the teachers were sometimes… But guess what, it doesn’t even matter now because all I remember is making great friends, creating unforgettable memories, lots of experiences, of mistakes, laughing until my guts said enough and so much more. It’s only when It was over when I realized how amazingly great these years were, and how much I learned about life thanks to them. High school is the time when we forge our personality, so forge well. The main questions everybody asks before going into the arena of high school, is how to win the fight? How can you survive in this crazy place without going crazy yourself? Well, I don’t have the answer to this question, but I can definitely tell you how NOT to survive.
1) Talk in class. Damn. I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing in my high school years, it’s supposed to be bad but honestly I really can’t find anything wrong about it since we are human, and humans are social creatures that can’t shut up for 8 hours a day, especially not if you put them in a small class with the same faces for an entire year. It’s physically, logically and mentally impossible. Let’s try putting them boring teachers in a boring class for so long and see if they can keep quiet like they tell us to be. Unless they’re plotting a suicide or mass murder, I don’t think it’s possible. The only times I managed to shut up was when I was interested in the subject/what the teacher was saying, or when I was daydreaming.
2) Actually believe the teacher isn’t gonna hate you forever if you go out when he sarcastically tells you “Who isn’t interested in my subject can go out right now, I won’t bother”. Of course he’ll bother; and yes, I made the mistake once. But I got an imaginary standing ovation from all the classmates so it’s a pretty rewarding mistake, now that it’s over and that the teacher isn’t looking for ways to make me miserable. No really, don’t believe your teachers, they could swear to God they won’t hate you if you tell them what you truly think of their method or teaching style, but odds are: they’ll make you regret the day you were born if your answer hurts their ego. So keep your comments and complains to you.
3) Break the ‘nod and smile’ rule with bad teachers. I believe that the only interaction you need to have with the teachers you can’t stand because of their narrow-minded, old-fashioned, patriarchal and ridiculously dumb way of thinking and method should be a nod here and there so as they think you’re listening and a smile if there’s an eye contact involved. And that’s it, I know you’re dying to tell the class how bored you are, or how wrong the teacher’s ideas are… But, please, leave these precious comments to yourself and eventually to your best friend.
4) Make enemies instead of friends. Away from the teacher’s part lays another important factor for the success, or failure, of your high school years: friends! I actually believe it’s the most important thing on this list, have no friends in the already unfamiliar high school and your ‘pain in the ass’ time there will double. But don’t bear people you don’t like just to make friends, it’s sometimes better to be alone than be in bad company that could have a horrible influence on you, or just make you feel like a trapped piece of shit since it’s only gonna get harder to stop being their friends if you don’t tell them to get lost in the beginning.
5) Be rude to teachers. Really, you could hate them as much as you can but let’s face it: they’re people trying to earn a living by teaching the worst generation of teenagers the same laws and subjects each year since they got out of teacher’s school, and yet they still get called ‘Pharaoh’, ‘the dwarf’, ‘Orangina’ and other bad names, they’re hated by almost all their students and everyone entering the classroom secretly signs the ‘we know you don’t care, but please pretend you give an f’ contract. Teachers have the worst job on the planet, so let’s not make their life even worse cause God knows how mean and messed up we can be.So behave.
6) Procrastinate, skip classes and never do your assignments nor homework. The funniest part is that I procrastinated 99.9% of my high school years and still managed to survive, so don’t think what I’m saying is a sacred bible. But the truth about working is quite simple: if you work, you’ll get rewarded, if you don’t, then you just won’t. If this rule is broken once or twice because of a plot twist in your destiny, or some karma getting back to you ( like getting straight A’s at subjects you didn’t study for, and the inverse in subjects you did), don’t lose hope or think you’re a little Einstein. Working hard is the ONLY key to having good grades, so don’t be a lazy person like me. Work that brain while you can and you’ll have plenty time to relax later on. Or follow my steps on what I know call “how not to fail your exams with the minimum amount of work with sass, class and a whole lot of ass!”.
7) Get in fights, pass on rumors, gossip, bitch and create drama around you. Just no, that’s unacceptable. You could try to imitate Regina George, but in real life you’ll just be stupid, mean, hurtful and not even original. Being mean is overrated kids, so look for a brighter idea. Why not being nice to people and actually share genuine love with others around you? Yeah, or being mediocre, batman, invisible, or just being you. No matter what you choose to be, it will suit you better than being a bad version of an American bully.
8) Never get involved in activities, field trips, clubs, events and social gatherings. High school is about the social part as well, about the contacts and ties you create. So start hanging out and spending quality time with your friends more, take part in the events your school is hosting… you don’t really have a better thing to do in your life at this point anyways.
I just want to point out that not all teachers, teenagers and schools are as bad I describe them in this article, so don’t take it as an offense; It’s merely humor. I had the chance to meet amazing teachers who really inspired me, and I’m sure we all did. Anyhow, I hope everyone survives high school without too much drama, it’s really not as big of a deal as it’s described all over the places. Just use your guts, find yourself, stand for what you believe in and learn as much as you can. Good luck to everyone about to enter high school, or those who just got out of it. The big deal is definitely not high school, but what comes after it. Cheers.